Wolf in Shepherd's Clothing
My personal reflections on Matt and Beth Redman's documentary "Let There Be Light" which helps us bring important truths out of the darkness, including some of my own.
This morning I was sent the link to a 30 minute documentary by Matt and Beth Redman called, Let There Be Light. Matt is a worship song writer and if you’ve spent any time within the four walls of a church that sings any song with a guitar, you’ve probably heard one written by him.
In the documentary, Matt and Beth, along with an author I represent, Dr. Amy Orr-Ewing discuss abuse of power with a well-known UK Christian youth leader named Mike Pilavachi. As a Christian myself, it’s disheartening to hear another story, similar to so many others I hear, similar to aspects of my own. It might be easy for Christians especially, to not want to focus on these dark corners of our community for fear the bad will outshine the good. But the reality is, if the people who are NOT victims don’t acknowledge that this happens again and again and again, even if not directly to them, how will we help give confidence and validation to those who are wondering if what is happening is okay or not?
How will we affirm young people or people in lower positions of power that the icky gut feeling they have when someone’s on-stage behavior doesn’t match their off-stage behavior is a correct feeling? How can we affirm that no amount of “good” someone does should undermine the accountability of what most humans know in their spirit is wrong?
It’s often for fear of not being believed. We don’t want to believe that someone like a Mike Pilavachi, someone likable and influential, who has taught us the Bible and made us laugh, could have a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing side. Or rather, wolf-in-shepherd’s clothing—the shepherd we entrusted with our little lambs.
When whispers of allegations against Bill Cosby started floating around, I was not shocked at all by the amount of people who immediately denied it’s plausibility. Nobody wants to think of their favorite Dr. Cliff Huxtable that way. Not Rudy’s dad! A single victim of Cosby’s coming forward would have never been believed, but once the numbers grew and the victims knew they weren’t alone, they felt less afraid to come forward.
I am moved when people like Matt and Beth Redman use their own “stage” to highlight something that they probably dealt with many years ago. Something that might be embarrassing to share to the world when they could just keep their heads down and focus on what they are known for. Because of their actions, I feel a little more confident that we are moving toward a world in which victims won’t have to secretly find other victims just to find someone to believe them.
As Amy said so well in the documentary,
“There is a whole load of different motives, probably mixed together that amount to people not wanting to do anything about it.
I felt at least my responsibility before God and as a friend, would be to see if I could create a context where it would be safe for people to share their story and come forward and say what had happened.
Those that I have heard from, the damage is trauma, PTSD, horrific spiritual fall out ranging from a total loss of faith to people who are amazing Christian leaders but have really needed therapeutic help, spiritual intervention. There are redemptive stories but the truth coming out is so critical.
And so what that means for me as a leader is that if somebody discloses something or shares a concern with me about someone who is my friend or who I greatly admired, at least I will approach that conversation with the posture that this is plausible and possible. And if it’s even possible, I must do something about it to help the person coming forward and help all the potential other people who might have been harmed.
This was not the post I expected to write today, but it’s the post I’ve chosen to write as a thank you. A thank you to the select amount of people I’ve shared my own story with. Who, despite loving and liking my abuser, chose to believe that what I was sharing was possible. The abuse of power and spiritual abuse I faced in a relationship in my mid-twenties is similar to many other stories I’ve heard since. Unfortunately these include stories from other women who might never have experienced what I did from our mutual abuser had I spoken out more at the time.
It always feels like a lifetime ago and something that no longer has any power over me. But when I watch things like this documentary and realize how validating it would have been for twenty-five-year-old me to have seen and heard, perhaps the healing would have been expedited and I wouldn’t have felt fearful about sharing my story. Feeling not believed made the healing take longer because it caused me to doubt what I knew had happened, or even the validity of what had happened. And it doesn’t mean that legal action could or would ever be taken, but two decades later, seeing documentaries like this make me feel confident that there will be more accountability and freedom for my children to hopefully exist in a church culture that heals far more than it covers up hurt.
Because of my own story and my ongoing love for Jesus and the church, I am drawn to representing voices, like Amy, who speak out about spiritual abuse, power dynamics and the dangerous pitfalls of Christian celebrity culture. I’m wildly aware (and often feel convicted and conflicted) that as a literary agent to many faith-based communicators, I could be contributing to the problem. But my hope and prayer is that I’m helping to elevate the right voices—those who will challenge the church in a constructive and firm, but loving way. And because of my past experiences, I’m much better at sniffing out the wolves.
Here are a few titles and authors I am honored to work alongside:
Celebrities for Jesus by Katelyn Beaty
Prey Tell by Tiffany Bluhm
Hurt and Healed by the Church by Ryan George
-Joy
p.s. I promise my next post will make you laugh.
Thanks for being vulnerable, Joy.
Your post brought be back to a quote that's been resonating for me (from novelist P.C. Hodgell): "That which can be destroyed by truth should be."
Thanks for the shout-out in your piece! Wow, it's an honor to be included in a group with Katelyn & Tiffany.
As another person who holds their own story of abuse of power, I am grateful for your vulnerability and action (representing authors who speak truth to power). Lord have mercy.